Fake, An Ode To You

Fake, fake, fake,

Those are the only words that are replaying in my brain right now.

You don’t know me then, that’s all I think.

How can someone be fake,

When they were friends with someone like you for so long?

How am I fake, if I was your only friend?

If I was so fake, isn’t that a lapse on your judgment then?

How could you be friends with someone as “fake” as me?

I pity the ignorance that this world has succumb to.

Your judgment clouded by lust and hate.

Sexual poses, made up all in your mind.

We never had a chance.

You knew that.

You pushed my boundaries for so long,

I had tried to stick up for you when people said not to get to close.

I disregarded them, because you were my best friend.

WERE as in past tense.

Not fake friends, or whatever else you may call it.

As days went by, I began to notice everyone was RIGHT.

It was my fault that our relationship got to where it is now.

It wasn’t a friendship, it was too much more than that.

I’d hope that you would change and begin  to realize that our friendship was too intense.

You wanted more.

I wanted less.

Our friendship was never to evolve into more.

I had thought that it was mutual,

That you had not wanted anymore.

If anything, you are fake.

Telling me that you didn’t like me anymore.

Don’t point fingers at me and tell me to apologize.

With you, my anger was always prominent.

IT wasn’t just “my time of the month”

It was you being in my life and acting the way that you did, that always made me angry.

You took advantage of my friendship.

Don’t you dare, blame your anger on me.

Our friendship used to mean the world to me.

USED TO.

You knew from the moment that you met me,

That I was as real as they come.

It’s time to move on and move forward.

Good luck in life, and may everything that you deserve in life,

Come your way.

The Soliloquy Begins

Last week before we left for the weekend, Mr.Burge asked us to figure out which of the character speeches in the paly that we wanted to memorize for reciting in front of the class. I have been dreading him asking us what soliloquy that we wanted to do. I have been in our school plays for three years now, and have always had to memorize lines to read. It’s not the easiest thing for me to do. It takes time and it doesn’t just come to you all of a sudden. It’s a lot of practicing and word reciting. Which if I do say so myself is very time consuming. Unfortunately this year I don’t really have any extra time in my schedule due to the extra-curricular activities that I do as well as an Elementary School internship and my job on top of that.

   Mr. Burge hasn’t given us our time frame of exactly how many days we have to memorize these soliloquys, but I’m hoping that it’s not going to be any time soon.  These past weekend as well as this upcoming weekend are booked solid because I took the ACT and then I am taking the SAT this weekend. Needless to say, I am already all tested out.

  I’m hoping that this memorization will come easily to me, especially since I have so much going on right now, academically and “friendship” wise, it would be nice to just cease all the chaos and be able to just sit down and have no worries.

   This is going to get interesting.

Anxious and Disappointed

        Going into break, I was really excited to be able to have a week-long vacation from having to endure the worries of school and balancing my life for a bit. I was excited to get to just relax and then go to work and come home again. It was a well needed break that I wanted to use to my advantage. There was nothing really that I needed to catch up on per say, but I had wanted to get into studying for my ACT and SAT since I would have time to do that and I didn’t have any other homework really.

        To my disappointment, none of that had happened like I had promised that it would. I knew I had to work all last week from 1:30 until close, and knowing that I didn’t have any homework made that easier on me. So I figured that I would be able to accomplish all that I had wanted to and still have a relaxing break if I managed my time correctly.

        I was just reading one of my friends blogs that he had wrote yesterday, and what really stuck out to me was how he had said that he did what this last week was called. He took a break. He took a break from all the stress to re-collect himself and be ready to continue once we had to return back to school. He didn’t do homework or college stuff, or apply for scholarships. He relaxed and did what he wanted to. I did that too. Or what I could do for the most part, but I had work and my mother breathing down my neck about studying for the ACT which is this weekend L and the SAT which is next weekend.

        Thinking about having to take those tests just adds about fifty pounds to my already slumped shoulders. Once the stress of those tests is off my back and I can successfully say that I am satisfied with the score that I got, then I can begin to relax a bit before I have to begin to apply for colleges and then wait until winter break hits me in the face and begin that quick journey down the mountain of school to graduation. I have waited six years for this moment in time and feel like I’d like to now wait a whole other life time for my next chapter in life to begin.

        Will I be ready to experience that part of life? I am afraid for what’s to come next. I wish I had a choice to pause what I want to, but life doesn’t work that way.  I have to put trust into myself and know that what is meant to happen will happen and that these decisions that I make along the way are what make me, me. I’m anxious for what’s to come.

Hamlet, the never ending journey

  The Friday before we went on break, we had a sub in all of our classes. In Mr. Burges class, we were continuing to read Hamlet; the problem was it wasn’t with Mr. Burge; instead it was by ourselves with the sub just listening to us read our lines. The most frustrating part of reading Hamlet has to be needing a “translator” to interpret all that we are reading.

            Coming back after break to class I felt pretty good. I felt as if I have been able to understand very well what has been going on in Hamlet. It began to feel easier to interpret the text. All until yesterday during class when Mr. Burge had started to talk to us about how important it was that we understand the text. How he is putting in more effort to explain to us then the regular senior class. It was impertinent that we were able to interpret the text and understand it, and if we didn’t then we need to pay attention during class and really try hard. If we don’t understand it now, how are we going to grasp it when we are taking the test 7 months from now to test what we have learned this year?

            I worry about how well Ill actually do on this test. I had confidence in myself that I would be able to do all that was required of me on the test and being able to fend for myself when I didn’t understand something well enough.  Now I’m second guessing myself and wonder if I will be able to pass it this year? I worry about failing because I “didn’t try hard enough”. I care about not letting myself down, especially when I know that I am able to persevere in what I do.

            I wonder how well this soliloquy is going tot go.

Preparing for Break

    Unfortunately for me, I had written this blog post in class on Friday and thought that I had posted it. I then go on my blog this morning and see that I hadn't even posted anything. My disappointment was immense. I'll try to remember what I wrote, so bear with me. 

     This week long break this month is a blessing. I'm not a religious person what so ever, but it was definitely a blessing to have this break, because it was well needed. Mr. Burge had asked us to write a blog on Friday for how we were going to stay on track or ahead over our week long break.  

    For me that was an easy question because I had an easy answer. Since I have luckily not missed any classes this quarter, I have no assignments that I need to catch-up on. Which means, that this break is geared towards me finishing the little homework that I got on Friday, as well as studying for taking my SAT again and my ACT for the very first time. I was able to get two study books for each test and it is my goal to begin doing the ACT prep book. I'm not a very good test taker, so I hope that with this help, that I am able to accomplish my goal of getting a good score. 

      Along with studying, I need to continue with my search of scholarships that I am eligible for. I have a lot to do this break that will keep me on track. But all I really want to do this break is sleep and relax by doing nothing. 

Hamlet Act 1

Although families are meant to stay together, familial problems can lead to an individual’s internal conflict.  When Hamlet learns from his father’s ghost that his uncle/ “current father” had murdered his biological father, it gave Hamlet an even larger reason not to like his uncle. After the Queen married Hamlets’ uncle, Hamlet began to greatly dislike his uncle. His attitude towards his uncle showed his resentment towards his mother’s new marriage. This sudden marriage caused Hamlet to second guess as to whether or not his mother actually loved his father, as well as if how she had acted towards his father was all a lie as well.

    Hamlet begins to show loathsome qualities towards his mother as time progresses. He can’t believe that his mother could love his father so much and then move on from that past love and begin a new relationship, let alone an incestual relationship, so quickly. Hamlet had such a high admiration for his parents and their relationship.  He loved both of his parents with such passion and power, that when his mother married his uncle, it seemed as if she had betrayed Hamlet along with his father. This feeling of total betrayal causing him to act inappropriately towards his mother while in the public eye, and reveals his disapproval to all others around them.

   When Hamlet finally talks to his father’s ghost and hears from him what actually had happened, he begins to feel torn about the revenge for his father on his mother. Hamlet feels such sorrow for his father’s death, that he would do anything to avenge it. His father had told him that his mother would get her revenge at a later time, and that it was Hamlet’s duty to revenge his death against his uncle. His father’s request then pushes Hamlet to the breaking point of “sanity” and crazed revenge against those that acted against his beloved father.

    Throughout the next two scenes, Hamlets inner conflict begins to rise to the surface. He begins to act strangely, differently than his old self, focused on his father

Balancing this year

  I know that this blog today will seem very cliché and for that I’m sorry, but for my free write blogs I enjoy talking about my life because it’s my story to tell. So again, bear with me for the moment.

   This year, I have a lot of balancing that I have to do within my life and my school life as well. I was told at the end of my junior year, by my senior friends that this year was going to be my toughest year to balance. School work would be on the easier side if I knew how to do my work on time and not procrastinate. I told her that I would be fine, and that I would be able to balance my life well enough that I would get by just fine.

  I was lucky enough to be able to get a job this year to earn myself money before I go off to college next fall. I was pretty excited about it, because it’s not just your average teenager’s first time job at a fast food restaurant, it’s at a veterinarian hospital, and that will actually benefit me later on in life.

   On top of that, I was lucky enough to be able to be elected as the president of my academy as well. I was very excited to be able to have the opportunity to have a larger leadership role in my academy and actually be able to do the things I want to in my academy. It’s just a little tough to have to balance when I am able to have meetings with the other officers and then making sure that I am able to get to work on time. It’s frustrating being a student that is so involved in my school and its leadership and then having to be able to make time for myself to get to work on time. There are times when I just want to quit being so involved. When I don’t want to do anything at all after school is the worst time for me.

  On top if all of that, I have a boyfriend who works as well as I do. This makes it difficult for us to spend time together and work our different schedules together to be able to make time for each other. It makes it hard on me when we don’t go to the same school either. There are a lot of days, when I wish that I could just have him with me all day at school to keep me grounded and focused. I miss him and wish that there wasn’t so much in my life right now that I have to balance.

   My life is just one large weight that I have to balance on my shoulders and it’s starting to make me sway back and with all the added pressure on my shoulders from everyone around me.